HOW TO BE A SUBMISSIVE WIFE
Do those very words just grate against you like sandpaper against your skin? They used to me. I was the last woman in the world anyone would have thought could become a submissive wife. I was so loud, opinionated, rebellious, proud, and truthfully—I was downright mean. That was me before Jesus. Over the years, He’s helped me to transform from that woman into a new one—one in His likeness.
So what does it mean to be a submissive wife? Before I answer that, I first want to tell you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that you have to cower down to abuse—whether it be physical or emotional. If you are in an abusive marriage, I recommend that you get yourself somewhere safe and seek counseling. If you are in an abusive relationship (not married), thank the Lord that you aren’t married, run, and don’t look back.
I really struggled with trying to become submissive. Especially since I abhorred even the word! But, as I slowly began to exercise the things Jesus taught, and got to know the Holy Spirit, I found that it just sort of happened.
Jesus taught so much on attitudes and responses to wrong-doing. He told us not to be angry or lustful because those things are equal to murder and adultery. He taught us to turn the other cheek and love our enemies. As his enemies crucified Him, He prayed that God would grant them mercy because they didn’t understand what they were doing.
If you apply those principles to your marriage, you will see a dramatic change. When your husband is letting his mouth get away from him and you really want to spout off the reply you’ve already formed in your head, take a moment and consult with the Holy Spirit. More than likely, He’s telling you to be quiet and not add fuel to the fire. He will work on your husband too. Trust me.
One of the toughest things I had to learn was that I couldn’t be my husband’s Holy Spirit. He didn’t care one iota if I thought he was in the wrong, but when the Holy Spirit began to work in him, He would help him to see error.
In so many arguments, if you’d just sit back quietly and let it pass, then give the Holy Spirit a chance to work, you will find that your husband will come back later, apologetic and wanting to amend things. Of course that works both ways. If you have a big mouth like I do, you will have plenty to apologize for, too.
If this is an area you need to work on, I challenge you to read through the gospels and take note of what Jesus taught regarding our hearts and attitudes. Notice how He handled conflict. Make a list and study it. Those things apply to all situations, whether it’s in your workplace or the supermarket, but especially in your marriage. Also study the fruits of the Spirit. Make a list of each of them and write out how you are applying them regarding your husband. This will give you a good idea of what areas you need to work on.
Another major thing involved in being a submissive wife is showing your husband respect. I had no idea how important respect is to a man until I read the book: Love & Respect. (I’ll link it below.) Basically, respect is to a man what love is to a woman. If I asked you if you’d prefer your husband to love you or respect you, and you could choose only one, you’d most likely say ‘love’. But do you know the opposite is true for most men? That blew my mind to think that he cares more that I respect him than love him.
“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” —Ephesians 5:33
This verse is the foundation of the book I mentioned. That book got a lot of backlash because men have misconstrued the content to say that women are second to men. The fact of the matter is that a man who is not fully surrendered to God can twist Scripture itself to say the same. I wanted to note that in case you’ve heard bad things about it or come across some negative reviews. Trust me, it’s a solid, biblically-based book.
So, how do we be respectful of our husbands? By treating him like a king and calling him ‘Sir’? My husband would fall over if I commenced to waiting on him hand and foot and calling him ‘Sir’.
No, we show our husband respect by not undermining what he says, or complaining about him to our mother or best friend. I read a teaching that said as much and began to notice how much I actually did undermine him and complain about him. I made a decision that I would not undermine what he says in front of other people, especially our kids.
I also stopped complaining about him to others. We should be our husbands’ biggest encourager and cheerleader. Think about that the next time you are about to complain to your mother or your best friend. Whether you are complaining that he’s a slob and doesn’t pick up his socks, or maybe even about something major.
One of the best lessons I’ve learned is to not take my problems to my family. (Especially a marital problem.) This is especially true if you’re family isn’t walking closely with Jesus. They will always defend you, not your marriage. If you have issues that you need to talk through outside of spending time praying and waiting for God’s reply, you need to take your problem to a trusted CHRISTIAN friend who can pray with you and give you biblical advice, or perhaps even a pastor or Christian counselor. Including your family, or in some cases, even your friends can just make the situation worse. Especially if your husband catches on that you’ve been sharing intimate details with them. This will just be another obstacle your marriage needs to overcome.
Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. Do not shut out the world and allow yourself to become withdrawn and depressed. God is the ultimate Healer and Counselor. Make sure you are allowing plenty of time to spend with him, and as I said, if the situation warrants, speak to a pastor or Christian counselor.
Lastly I want to tell you: Through it all, hold onto your faith. If God can transform me from the mess I used to be and bring my marriage back to life when I thought all hope was gone, He can do it for you! I still have a long way to go and I will never be perfect, but I have come a LONG way, and as I said, He can do it for you and your marriage, too! Have faith!
So what does it mean to be a submissive wife? Before I answer that, I first want to tell you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that you have to cower down to abuse—whether it be physical or emotional. If you are in an abusive marriage, I recommend that you get yourself somewhere safe and seek counseling. If you are in an abusive relationship (not married), thank the Lord that you aren’t married, run, and don’t look back.
I really struggled with trying to become submissive. Especially since I abhorred even the word! But, as I slowly began to exercise the things Jesus taught, and got to know the Holy Spirit, I found that it just sort of happened.
Jesus taught so much on attitudes and responses to wrong-doing. He told us not to be angry or lustful because those things are equal to murder and adultery. He taught us to turn the other cheek and love our enemies. As his enemies crucified Him, He prayed that God would grant them mercy because they didn’t understand what they were doing.
If you apply those principles to your marriage, you will see a dramatic change. When your husband is letting his mouth get away from him and you really want to spout off the reply you’ve already formed in your head, take a moment and consult with the Holy Spirit. More than likely, He’s telling you to be quiet and not add fuel to the fire. He will work on your husband too. Trust me.
One of the toughest things I had to learn was that I couldn’t be my husband’s Holy Spirit. He didn’t care one iota if I thought he was in the wrong, but when the Holy Spirit began to work in him, He would help him to see error.
In so many arguments, if you’d just sit back quietly and let it pass, then give the Holy Spirit a chance to work, you will find that your husband will come back later, apologetic and wanting to amend things. Of course that works both ways. If you have a big mouth like I do, you will have plenty to apologize for, too.
If this is an area you need to work on, I challenge you to read through the gospels and take note of what Jesus taught regarding our hearts and attitudes. Notice how He handled conflict. Make a list and study it. Those things apply to all situations, whether it’s in your workplace or the supermarket, but especially in your marriage. Also study the fruits of the Spirit. Make a list of each of them and write out how you are applying them regarding your husband. This will give you a good idea of what areas you need to work on.
Another major thing involved in being a submissive wife is showing your husband respect. I had no idea how important respect is to a man until I read the book: Love & Respect. (I’ll link it below.) Basically, respect is to a man what love is to a woman. If I asked you if you’d prefer your husband to love you or respect you, and you could choose only one, you’d most likely say ‘love’. But do you know the opposite is true for most men? That blew my mind to think that he cares more that I respect him than love him.
“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” —Ephesians 5:33
This verse is the foundation of the book I mentioned. That book got a lot of backlash because men have misconstrued the content to say that women are second to men. The fact of the matter is that a man who is not fully surrendered to God can twist Scripture itself to say the same. I wanted to note that in case you’ve heard bad things about it or come across some negative reviews. Trust me, it’s a solid, biblically-based book.
So, how do we be respectful of our husbands? By treating him like a king and calling him ‘Sir’? My husband would fall over if I commenced to waiting on him hand and foot and calling him ‘Sir’.
No, we show our husband respect by not undermining what he says, or complaining about him to our mother or best friend. I read a teaching that said as much and began to notice how much I actually did undermine him and complain about him. I made a decision that I would not undermine what he says in front of other people, especially our kids.
I also stopped complaining about him to others. We should be our husbands’ biggest encourager and cheerleader. Think about that the next time you are about to complain to your mother or your best friend. Whether you are complaining that he’s a slob and doesn’t pick up his socks, or maybe even about something major.
One of the best lessons I’ve learned is to not take my problems to my family. (Especially a marital problem.) This is especially true if you’re family isn’t walking closely with Jesus. They will always defend you, not your marriage. If you have issues that you need to talk through outside of spending time praying and waiting for God’s reply, you need to take your problem to a trusted CHRISTIAN friend who can pray with you and give you biblical advice, or perhaps even a pastor or Christian counselor. Including your family, or in some cases, even your friends can just make the situation worse. Especially if your husband catches on that you’ve been sharing intimate details with them. This will just be another obstacle your marriage needs to overcome.
Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. Do not shut out the world and allow yourself to become withdrawn and depressed. God is the ultimate Healer and Counselor. Make sure you are allowing plenty of time to spend with him, and as I said, if the situation warrants, speak to a pastor or Christian counselor.
Lastly I want to tell you: Through it all, hold onto your faith. If God can transform me from the mess I used to be and bring my marriage back to life when I thought all hope was gone, He can do it for you! I still have a long way to go and I will never be perfect, but I have come a LONG way, and as I said, He can do it for you and your marriage, too! Have faith!
